Hey Guys! This week's blog post is a hard one to write...just going to be honest. But it needs to be said. I'm writing this week's post to myself and hopefully it will bless you in some way.
We as guys tend to be stuffers. What do I mean? I mean we don't really talk about our issues. We don't talk about how we feel. We feel like we have to keep this "tough guy" persona. When we get together with other dudes, we typically talk sports, maybe work, but we keep it surfacey.
Confession: I'm the worst at this.
When I started F/A Brotherhood, I didn't want to. Just being real. I wanted someone else to. Then, being a believer in God, I wrestled with Him for a few months because he told me that I was the one who was supposed to start this group. Well, God is undefeated and I lost. And here were are.
Since starting this group, I feel like I need to be the expert on everything. Newsflash - I'm not and no where close. I feel like I can't share any of my problems, because I started the group. Well, it's time to confess...I'm struggling.
I had a conversation with one my great friends on our platform and while back. I said I hate Father's Day because I suck at being a dad. I feel inadequate because I suck as a Dad. I don't feel like I'm enough because I suck as a dad.
Gentlemen, the journey we are on is long and it is tough. Some days I wake up feeling like a failure without even stepping out of bed. If I'm honest, because that's what this post is all about, some days it's hard to love. Just the other day, my son said verbatim, "You're the best dad in the world! Wait, the third best after God and Daddy Johnny (his bio dad that he never really knew). I kept it together, but when we were done playing, I literally wanted to punch myself in the face. Again, just being real. I'm going through a lot more that I really don't want to put on a public forum, but life's tough right now.
I do not write this post for sympathy or for "woe is Chris". I'm writing to you because you may be going through the same thing. Maybe you need someone to talk to. Maybe you need someone to listen. Someone to pray for and with you.
But don't be me. I've stuffed this crap down for months, and now it's pouring out. My daughter is at a half day camp this week (finishing up today), so my wife is spending time with the boys outside of the home. I was working from home one day and just completely lost it. I bottled it up for so long, it needed to come out.
Guys, we're not perfect and we'll never be, but we ARE enough. As we love them with everything that we have, even on the tough days, we are enough for our children. You are doing amazing things! Don't believe the lies. You are worthy to be called Dad. You are loved. Keep up the good fight.
Open up. Share. Grab someone in the group and ask them to listen. That's what we're all about!